A few years ago, from the outside, my life looked pretty good. I had professional recognition working as an actor and producer. I was working in film, theatre and tv. It was a career that began in Dublin, Ireland, where I was born and grew up. My job also allowed me to live and work in London and New York. It afforded the privilege of travelling a lot performing in world-class productions in many major cities including, Moscow, Leningrad, Jerusalem, on Broadway and in Los Angeles to name a few. Not a bad lifestyle, right?
But deep down, I wasn't satisfied or happy.
And I couldn't work out why.
I was fighting a constant battle of never feeling good enough. It never went away. This feeling only got stronger as my career began to build. A voice kept pushing me, telling me, "I should do more, be bigger, then I'll be accepted". I used to delude myself; this was a hunger for success. But it wasn't. It was a hunger, okay, but it was also a desperate attempt to feed an inner void. That was one of the reasons I began to produce plays as well as performing. I took risks hoping it would pay-off. And initially, those risks gave me a great buzz, the early successes felt amazing.
It was all about recognition. The more I got my name or picture in the media, the more validated I felt. I saw myself as a risk-taker, and I was to some extent. But all I was doing was satisfying a habit. And I didn't even know it. As with any addiction, the craving only increased, and the risks became riskier. And then it all came crashing down, just like somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew it would. There was a lot of debt, and people got hurt who didn't deserve it.
After winning a green card in a lottery, I settled in New York to dust myself down and take on an even bigger challenge. Moving to NYC was probably the most important thing to happen to me. It literally saved my life. I met people who opened my mind in ways I'd never considered before. I met extraordinary people who I'm proud to call friends. People who challenged me intellectually , psychologically emotionally and spiritually. I realised the driving problem wasn't the constant need for external validation. It was my beliefs about myself.
I had spent my whole life striving to be perfect,and it still wasn't enough.
I couldn't enjoy the things I was striving for. I wouldn't allow myself to enjoy the successes. I didn't feel good enough or deserving of it. I needed to change and so I began the journey by accepting myself for who I was and I made peace with myself. I promised myself that moving forward would be different and for real this time.
I started to live my life rather than just exist.
And I promised myself I'd help others to do the same. I realised that I didn't want other people to reach the place where they were as unhappy with themselves as I had been. I wanted to help them stop hiding and start living too. I wanted to inspire them to have the courage to follow their desires.So I armed myself with the skills to make that happen; I trained as an NLP Master Practitioner and Hypnotherapist and subsequently qualified as a trainer in both disciplines.
I now work with individuals online and over the phone to help them discover their own unique strength and brilliance as well as running group workshops in person and through webinars. It really is now, for me, the most satisfying of lives.
But deep down, I wasn't satisfied or happy.
And I couldn't work out why.
I was fighting a constant battle of never feeling good enough. It never went away. This feeling only got stronger as my career began to build. A voice kept pushing me, telling me, "I should do more, be bigger, then I'll be accepted". I used to delude myself; this was a hunger for success. But it wasn't. It was a hunger, okay, but it was also a desperate attempt to feed an inner void. That was one of the reasons I began to produce plays as well as performing. I took risks hoping it would pay-off. And initially, those risks gave me a great buzz, the early successes felt amazing.
It was all about recognition. The more I got my name or picture in the media, the more validated I felt. I saw myself as a risk-taker, and I was to some extent. But all I was doing was satisfying a habit. And I didn't even know it. As with any addiction, the craving only increased, and the risks became riskier. And then it all came crashing down, just like somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew it would. There was a lot of debt, and people got hurt who didn't deserve it.
After winning a green card in a lottery, I settled in New York to dust myself down and take on an even bigger challenge. Moving to NYC was probably the most important thing to happen to me. It literally saved my life. I met people who opened my mind in ways I'd never considered before. I met extraordinary people who I'm proud to call friends. People who challenged me intellectually , psychologically emotionally and spiritually. I realised the driving problem wasn't the constant need for external validation. It was my beliefs about myself.
I had spent my whole life striving to be perfect,and it still wasn't enough.
I couldn't enjoy the things I was striving for. I wouldn't allow myself to enjoy the successes. I didn't feel good enough or deserving of it. I needed to change and so I began the journey by accepting myself for who I was and I made peace with myself. I promised myself that moving forward would be different and for real this time.
I started to live my life rather than just exist.
And I promised myself I'd help others to do the same. I realised that I didn't want other people to reach the place where they were as unhappy with themselves as I had been. I wanted to help them stop hiding and start living too. I wanted to inspire them to have the courage to follow their desires.So I armed myself with the skills to make that happen; I trained as an NLP Master Practitioner and Hypnotherapist and subsequently qualified as a trainer in both disciplines.
I now work with individuals online and over the phone to help them discover their own unique strength and brilliance as well as running group workshops in person and through webinars. It really is now, for me, the most satisfying of lives.